There are different seasons in life during which we treat ourselves as side characters in our own lives. Infrequently meeting our own needs while what we consider essential takes priority. What if I told you that you would have more time for ‘musts’ if you invest time in yourself? Make yourself the leading lady or man in your life. There will be times where meeting your own needs will require herculean effort but if you start small (i.e. drink a glass of water every morning) and make it a habit to meet your needs, you can build on that habit* once it’s established.

When we don’t take the time to meet our needs, we end up pouring from empty cups. The cost of this, as we go deeper in the negatives, is detrimental over time. Each time we pour from an empty cup we become in debt with ourselves. Each debt to yourself chips away at your sense of self-worth. Imagine how much is lost when you spend days, weeks, months, or even years devaluing the importance of meeting your daily needs. “New socks can wait.” “I don’t have time to eat breakfast.” “I’ll pee later.” “I feel guilty making time to get a haircut.” “I feel guilty buying myself this when our family needs that.” The ways in which we skip our needs get more nuanced at every turn. Until the well-established habit we form is self-neglect.

When we constantly override addressing our own needs, we are sending ourselves the message that we don’t matter. If you send that message long enough, it creates the perfect breeding ground for resentment. When we feel resentful and continue to pour from our empty cup it just leaves us feeling even more frustrated and bitter. I spent a really, really, really long time building interest in my resentment as I inched further and further away from being a person who valued and cared for herself. Are you building interest in resentment instead of investing in yourself?

If I’m being honest, I neglected meeting my own needs because in my mind I didn’t have time to get all the ‘musts’ done. How on earth could I make sure I drank enough water or got new socks when I wasn’t checking off everything on my to do list? What I didn’t realize is that meeting my needs is one of the main ‘musts’ in my life if I want to be happy and feel balanced. When I slowly started listening to the cues my body was sending me instead of overriding them, my life started changing in a way I never thought possible. The more I did for myself, the more I had to pour into every area of my life. Suddenly all the little things that felt like chores, felt like privileges and blessings. Without realizing it, I had changed my mindset from ‘have to’ to ‘get to’ as James Clear would say. I get to wake up and live another day. Let us not forget the gift that another day truly is.

What if we swap the breeding ground for resentment with a greenhouse where we can blossom? What if we swap self-neglect for self-care? What if we use little actions in our day to send ourselves the message that we matter? If you make it a habit to meet your needs, you WILL blossom. Remember, you don’t have to start big. Starting small is the way to go if you want to make real changes in the long run. If you want to be healthier, start with a goal to eat 1 out of 5 colors every day. ‘Today I will eat one red fruit or vegetable.’ Once that habit is established you can build on it until before you know it, you’re eating big salads and roasted veggies regularly. No matter what personal needs you have been neglecting, take a small daily step in the direction you want to go in. Consistency is king if you want to see lasting change. I’d like to invite you to start listening to your body. Below you will find the FiGs for this week’s post. I encourage you to reflect on them with me.

Although I’m in a much better place lately, I still catch myself skipping my needs from time to time. Usually my ability to be kind goes out the window when I’ve neglected a need for too long. When I catch myself, I troubleshoot to figure out what underlying issue is causing my mood shift. Do I have to pee? Am I hungry? Did I let someone else’s ‘want’ come before my ‘need’? If you'd like a practice scenario that explains how you can apply this reflection's 4 FiGs in your life, you are invited to subscribe to the 'FiG 4-1-1' newsletter here or below. Don't forget, you matter and deserve to have your needs met.