A big part of my identity is motherhood. It’s not all I am though so I wasn’t quite sure how to incorporate it into ‘inspiration & grace’ without it being the core. As I was brainstorming I thought maybe every fourth post would be targeted directly at processing parenting struggles. Like with my other reflections so far, the inspiration arose for me to write about a situation and share my thoughts with you. Below you will find my thoughts about how healing plays a role in being the best mom you and I can be.

Before we get to the healing bit, I want to discuss what I mean when I say ‘the best mom you can be.’ She is an imperfect mom who gently accepts her shortcomings and dusts herself off to try again. She gives herself grace, love, and acceptance. When she finds herself criticizing her mistakes she reframes the critical knee jerk reaction with a loving one where she remembers to acknowledge everything she does well. The ‘best mom you and I can be’ takes to heart that you should love others as you love yourself. She knows that the more compassion and kindness she extends to herself, the more she has to extend to her children. Redefining what my best self as a mother looks like in a way that removes striving for perfection has been liberating and healing in and of itself.

I didn’t want to have children until I was in my early to mid 30s. I thought I was too broken and needed too much work as a human being before I could be in charge of someone else’s life. Never did I imagine I’d have 6 little souls in my charge before I turned 31. When I met my current therapist and shared my thoughts about my brokenness with her, I couldn’t really explain what it was that needed so much work. It wasn’t concrete for me at that time. Now in hindsight, I can see that the work I needed to feel good in my role as a mother was healing. In order to be the best mom I can be, I had to be open to revisiting and processing a variety of emotions that had been locked away.

Now that I know what I need, I’m beginning to put the work in. I’m learning to feel emotions without shaming myself for feeling anything other than happiness. It is a never ending process, one that requires learning to talk kindly to myself even when I’m frustrated and overwhelmed. I presume that by changing the way I talk to myself, it’ll help change the way I talk to my children when frustrating situations arise. Coaching myself through difficulties kindly makes it natural to apply this to my children. I expect to equip them with as many tools as I can for processing emotions as we learn together through trial and error.

Just as there is no one size fits all approach with our children, there is no one size fits all approach for us. I am healing by allowing myself time to reflect and examine different issues as they arise. I am learning to reflect without judgment and reframe negative self-talk. I am learning to love myself unconditionally as I firmly believe that’s the only way I can extend that same unconditional love to my children. In what ways do you learn best? What is beneficial for you when difficult situations arise? In what areas do you want to improve your relationship with your children?

We all carry past hurts, it is often beneficial to walk through the triggered emotions we were previously unable to process or for a variety of reasons chose to bury. Half the battle is just realizing that we need to process and frequently soothe the pent up feelings to heal our emotional wounds. When you travel back to the unresolved issue in your mind, remind yourself that you are safe right now and all emotions are welcome. I implore that you remove shame and judgment from the equation. This will allow you to experience and free yourself from the weight of emotions you’ve tucked away.

I am worth the work and effort it takes to reframe unkind thought patterns. You are worth the work too. Whether you have children or not, if you have unprocessed emotions and negative patterns to reframe, you are 1000% worth the work. Do you have traumas you need to heal? Do you find yourself reacting in ways you thought you never would? Is it hard for you to treat yourself lovingly and kindly when you make a mistake? If you share my struggles, I invite you to start or continue healing through self-love by practicing the ‘fruits of inspiration & grace’ below with me this week.

If you feel broken and alone, I want you to know that you are neither of those things. I am with you in this battle. Small consistent steps are all it takes. Start with self-love and acceptance. Pick one area where you need the extra attention (parenting identity, body image, eating habits, fitness, etc.) Lay the foundation for who you want to be by doing the work it takes to get there daily. I highly recommend the audiobook (or hard copy) ‘Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids’ by Laura Markham. While I was listening to the information about how to be a more peaceful parent, I found myself healing many of the heartaches of my childhood.

If you'd like a practice scenario that explains how you can apply this reflection's 4 FiGs in your life, you are invited to subscribe to the 'FiG 4-1-1' newsletter here or below. Remember, you are worthy of loving and accepting yourself as you are.